Educators, politicians, and talking heads often wail when the latest study of math and science scores for schoolchildren. America’s 17th in math! 34th in science! 89th in cheating on math and science tests! Why does the United States spend so much on defense and so little on education? The video games and the hula hoops the kids are into - ruining America!

(This is not a gratuitous cheerleader shot)

Why can’t America address the underlying problems facing its youth? Namely, how the hell is Team Baby Entertainment still in business? Who is buying these shiny discs of evil? And can we get their mailing list to arrange a sterilization program? You know… reasonable measures. BUGS AND CRANKS investigates.

Apparently, Team Baby has grown by crawls and fall-down-and-go-booms into a venture so profitable that they now get sports celebrities to narrate baby talk for teams, including Ozzie Smith, Ben Affleck, George Steinbrenner, and Lee Corso.

Also, they take on whole leagues (for LeBron’s kids, so they can choose the frontrunning teams at their leisure), the NCAA, and (inexplicably) all of America. It’s a shame Kristy Lee could not have sung “God Bless the USA” in time to be on this DVD.

As can be seen in the new sample videos on the site, the DVDs focus on simple sights and sounds that even the youngest and/or most simple Yankees or Red Sox fans can handle, helping them repeat the same gobbleygook that has made Remy and Kay so damned rich. Say stupid nonsense once and it’s idiocy. Repeat it a thousand times and it’s tradition, Sweet Caroline.

Again, we must insist: if you know someone that is considering purchasing one of these wretched DVDs made of brimstone and polymers, report them to the nearest Hell’s Angel. We let Team Baby off the hook the first time and patted them on the back for their cute widdle idea. Now we’re stuck with their spit-up all over this nice country and a colicky citizenship well past its breaking point.