Love hurts: one of the Karolyis’ Romanian pupils has finally alleged abuse (physical and otherwise) against the first couple of prepubescent girl molding.  Even though she apparently has corroborating evidence and thirty years’ separation from those training days, she didn’t step forward until this week. Bela Karolyi responded with typical affection: “Some of the girls have bad memories. Perhaps others say it was the best time of their lives.”  Hey, if you’re training for gymnastics glory anyway, maybe you should just relax on the balance beam and enjoy it.  Isn’t that right, Bela?

Formula One chief Bernie Ecclestone will now enjoy his own private life being dragged from its home, shoved into a box car full of paparazzi, and transported to a media circus camp as his wife files for divorce and dives in for a substantial slice of their nearly four million dollar fortune. Frankly, we see only one way to save Formula One and the San Diego Padres from having their fans crushed by these discordant marriages: spouse swapping.  After all, role playing is right out.

A former South Korean baseball player turns a gig as chief cheerleader (from the stands) for the South Korean Olympic team into a hedonistic extended party with expensive hotels and ticket scalping with scant actual event attendance, all on the country’s won. Oh, and then his US$300,000 gambling debt came to light.  It’s like Jose Canseco and Charles Barkley all rolled into one.  Just another example of the decline of America.

(On the left.  In Beijing.  Not at an event.)

And so on:

• Apparently, “… when a girl (BEEP) in her pants and puts her pants on another girl’s head, that’s just disgusting” and it’s actionable criminally.  Good to know.
• A boxer believes his other true calling could have been in the adult film industry.  “I’ve already done some modelling for Playboy magazine and that went well.” Uhm… honey, do you remember which one has the naked girls and which one has the naked boys?
• Speaking of boxers, Floyd Mayweather makes it rain at the club and we just don’t care anymore.  The previously mentioned boxer would be less overexposed even if he changed careers.
• Also dangerously close to the full media monty: check out Gilbert Arenas’ wax statue.  Yes, we see it, Zero.  We also think that figure will see more court time in 2008 and not cheat on defense as often. (Hurry back!)
• And can we just stop with the nude jogging priest stories? One cannot swing one’s Johnson without hitting such a story.
• You see, the Johnson is his penis.
• Chase Utley’s not hip to this jive: hip surgery will sideline him to start 2009.  But the most pressing question: will he still be able to cuddle puppies? A furry world pants in anxiety.
• A fan of a rival soccer team sneaks his team’s name into the bricks in front of the stadium he’s helping build and no one notices for four years.  Did you ever think of that, New Yankee Stadium loudmouth?
• The Japanese men’s golf tour is blowing up.  Watch for debris.
• And finally, a U of FL poli sci major gets his undies in an uproar about a Ticketmaster foul-up that kept him from buying SEC championship tickets and responds in true protest fashion: a Facebook group.  “To be screwed over by this stupid glitch, I mean, just makes me furious.  It’s like a slap in the face, especially to outgoing seniors.” Not the $74 in service fees?  This is your greatest offense? This reminds us of a humorous aside: why is a poli sci major like a cowbell?  Both can only be enjoyed when you’re beating them with a stick.  (Sorry for stealing your gymnastics joke, Bela!)