Jay Cutler has moved from snit fit to full-on martyrdom and Denver Broncos owner Pat Bowlen has chosen to accommodate the young quarterback and search for a trade partner, thus saving Broncos fans from competency at the quarterback position.
(Sign language is still communication, right?)
Chris Simms will stand as the only vaguely quarterback-like substance on the roster, pending trade returns, after Cutler and his agent would not even return text messages for ten days (or so claimed by the Broncos organization).
While this seems superficially about placating the petulant, it would be disastrous to employ the Marcel Marceau of quarterbacks this fall if he continues his silent ways. There would be no playcalling, no leadership, and no franchise-polishing post-game quotes. For that, the Broncos could just look up Joey Harrington.
Also abandoning ship: just about every recruit formerly headed to the University of Memphis. John Calipari’s move to the University of Kentucky has most recruits for next year’s class eying the escape clause in their letters of intent that lets them wiggle free if Calipari squirms out as well.
(The Sweet’n'Low is also coming with him to Lexington)
With Tyreke Evans already on his way to the NBA and everyone else on the team either graduating or looking for a new school, the University of Memphis basketball team may have to outfit the equipment manager, three physical education majors, and Marc Cohn himself.
(Sure, Cohn only has one move, but he closes out every night with it.)
And now join us for a hail of bullets on the day each year the entire Internet is racked with inaccuracies, tall tales, and outright lies (and actually admits it) as we remember how the pros handle this tomfoolery…
- Gary Sheffield’s looking for a job this morning as the Detroit Tigers released him and swallowed hard on $14M. Perhaps he can settle back and go golfing with Rick Wagoner, the only man with a better “get lost” package in Detroit these days.
- Bemidji, MN, is one of many homes of Paul Bunyan and the only true NCAA semifinalist underdog you’ll see this month. Needless to say, people in that little town couldn’t be more excited.
- There’s a new video system to judge umpires with many more cameras now in every MLB stadium. Guess who’s not thrilled about that?
- A group of Minnesota residents help their returning veterans feel welcome as only Minnesotans can: by handing them guns and giving them living targets.
- At the end of the Cheongdo Bullfighting Festival, a black Japanese bull and an off-color Korean bull tangle for national pride. This year, they should let Ichiro Suzuki stand in for the Japanese bull.
- The NEW YORK TIMES notes Seattle’s new soccer fans may be a bit off. Toronto and Columbus scoff.
- Please welcome Dave Winfield to the ESPN family of baseball analysts and congratulate the Worldwide Leader for finally having an analyst for every MLB player. Winfield has been assigned Josh Williamson.
- Hideki Irabu is back and has apparently finally given birth to that baby he carried around during his first stint with the New York Yankees.
- Chicago might still be in the lead for 2016 Summer Olympics hosting duties, but Vancouver’s successful bid came in no small part through a strong visit from the IOC. The threatened Chicago police union picket of City Hall when the IOC arrives looks better all the time, no?