Quoth Mitch Hedberg: “I played golf, I’m not good at golf, I never got good at it. I never got a hole in one, but I did hit a guy in one. And that’s way more satisfying.” Albert Pujols is good at baseball, but while he didn’t hit a home run against the San Diego Padres, he did hit Chris Young. And that might be satisfying if he didn’t result in him bleeding profusely between the eyes.

(If only the Base Wars video games series caught on, Albert Pujols could be on the cover. Perhaps with a more realistic-looking scimitar, even.)

Later in the inning Pujols rounded the bases and eventually slid through the plant foot of catcher Josh Bard. He, too, was injured and had to be helped off the field.

In case you missed the injuries, here’s a clip:

But seriously. Don’t freakin’ mess with The Pujols. It won’t end well: