Each summer, the NFL holds a meeting with each team during minicamp on personal security. A film is shown. Situations are discussed. As the DALLAS MORNING NEWS’s DALLAS COWBOYS BLOG puts it, “Know your surroundings. Watch those around you. Don’t hang out in bad places. And, as my father always said, nothin’ good happens after midnight.”

Some athletes hear those words loud and clear. Others hear the same words but have a slightly different interpretation. For example, Cowboys wide receiver Sam Hurd spends his nights with his lovely wife in his gated community. Also, he owns an M-16 (among other weapons) and “… if someone comes in my house to rob me, you’ve got World War III going on.”

Are we sure Charles Bronson isn’t running NFL Security from the grave?

How about Tank Johnson, former Chicago Bear (and gun aficianado) whose bodyguard was killed in a Chicago club? Do you still own guns?

“They want to come try it (rob him at home), I’m ready.”

Okay, but do you still own guns?

“That means I’m ready.”

Oooookay.

We were ready to bash on this article from the SAN ANTONIO EXPRESS-NEWS for fear-mongering, but then the author of the piece, Tom Orsborn, spoke to Lamar Odom. Odom has been robbed at gunpoint (which is still just a possibility to Hurd and Johnson) and has a unique perspective on the matter:

“I believe in karma, so the last thing I want to do is carry a weapon and things like that.”

Lamar Odom is a loon and we love him for it. Also, Orsborn spoke to local athlete Ime Udoka, who enlightened us on the NBA’s security assistance:

““A lot of it has to do with the city you live in,” Udoka said. “A few things happened in Chicago to players last year. It seemed like they were being targeted, so the NBA sent out a memo about that.” “

Memos, you say? Well, there you go! Problem solved. Drown ‘em in paperwork.

We’ve pulled far too many quotes already and there’s still more to enjoy; we recommend the entire piece. After all, you’re not working this week anyway. Who are you kidding?