Apparently, if you are in Santa Barbara and you want to masturbate in public, Santa Barbara City College is the place to do it. THE CHANNELS ONLINE says that a middle-aged man named Harold Hall was arrested at the parking lot of the campus’ La Playa Stadium after being spotted by a SBCC softball player in his car making merry with some moisturizer, paper towels and a copy of “Barely Legal” magazine. Talk about a “slap hitter!”
Honestly, they have adult book stores in Santa Barbara. These people can’t pony up a few quarters and head into the movie booth to take care of their business like normal people?
The softball player spotted Hall doing his deed while parking her car in the stadium parking lot at 11 a.m. on a Thursday. When she returned to the parking lot at 12:30 p.m., the man was still in his car and still at it, so she decided to go to her softball coach, who then called campus security.
A bunch of questions here: did the softball player think it was OK that he was masturbating in his car, but then got upset because he was still there when she returned? And spending 90 minutes there? Either it was Sting practicing his Tantric sex techniques, or someone OD’ed on Viagra.
Still, I’d love to hear his explanation when campus security finally did show up, looked in his car, and found moisturizer, paper towels and a porn magazine. Is there any excuse you can give to a cop then that is going to work? If anyone has any ideas, I’d love to hear them.
4:46 pm on February 4th, 2009
Honestly, officer - I was just going to work on my choking-up technique, but I realized I left my bat at home.
5:00 pm on February 4th, 2009
I don't think I have that issue of "Barely Legal". Time for a trip to my local newsstand.
5:06 pm on February 4th, 2009
Schwing and a miss.
5:09 pm on February 4th, 2009
The news article said this was the second arrest for indecent exposure on campus this semester. The first was a bagger from Vons.
I certainly won't be shopping there anymore.
5:10 pm on February 4th, 2009
Shea Butter - isn't that what they used to put on the popcorn at Shea Stadium?
5:15 pm on February 4th, 2009
There's a softballs joke in there somewhere, but I can't come up with any.
5:18 pm on February 4th, 2009
I find it amusing that there's the story on this site about a guy masturbating in a softball field parking lot, while there's an ad on the left featuring Jennie Finch.
Put two and two together…
5:24 pm on February 4th, 2009
Talk about grabbing a ball in foul territory.
6:10 pm on February 4th, 2009
I'd hate to be working in the evidence room of the Santa Barbara Police Department that day.
6:17 pm on February 4th, 2009
He was just trying out some Dick Williams coaching techniques:
http://www.sportsbybrooks.com/dick-williams-goes-from-hall-of-shame-masturbater-to-hall-of-fame-inductee-14893
7:50 pm on February 4th, 2009
Now if the magazine in question was instead a copy of "Baseball America", I'd be even more worried.