With the notoriety* garnered by LeBron James and his LRMR Marketing Group the past week, you can’t help but wonder what’s next for James and LRMR.
(Hey you … ESPN sales guy … in the cubicle … yes YOU … GET ON IT!)
I’m now pleased to report that earlier today I did not obtain exactly what that will indeed entail:
1) Pre-book LeBron for June 2011 appearance in Cleveland on Rick Reilly’s highly-rated, critically-acclaimed ESPN Homecoming series. Secure assistance from Blackwater Security in staging event in exchange for presenting sponsorship rights. (Disclaimer: It was Craig Sager’s idea.)
2) Broker eight-figure lifetime endorsement contract with BP for new LRMR Marketing Group Client and New Orleans Hornets star Chris Paul. (Includes personal use of BP CEO’s yacht.)
3) Sign Reggie Bush as LRMR Marketing Group Client. Book Bush appearance with former FEMA Chief Michael Brown at annual Superdome Boat Show in exchange for stipend to be donated to charity.
4) Acquire Jim Gray’s exclusive, worldwide marketing rights and immediately begin canvassing Horizon League member schools for broadcasting opportunities and Sacramento-area Bail Bondsmen for endorsement deals.
5) Secure venture capital - from new Miami Heat contract - for company attempting to bring fire-retardant NBA jersey technology to market. Induce Delonte West to test prototype by promising guest appearance on History Channel’s Lock N’ Load with R. Lee Ermey.
6) Schedule press conference inside Clark County Detention Center to introduce latest LRMR hire: Financial Controller Antoine Walker. Continue searching classmates.com for additional LRMR executive hires.
7) Pitch new LeBron Cleveland billboard concept to Nike execs: “WITNESS PROTECTION.”
Pitch new LeBron Miami billboard concept to Nike execs: “WITNESS RELOCATION.”
9) Book LeBron for touch-up on his ‘loyalty’ tattoo on TLC reality show L.A. Ink.
Create “LeBron James Family Foundation” charity with all proceeds going to the permanent relocation of James family and personal DJ out of Northeast Ohio. Solicit donations on official personal website. (Done!)
* ATTN random media member, idiot athletes and coaches: READ the definition.