So We Should Not Have Put Your Club on eBay?

Pity the Tranmere Rovers, a third-tier English football program. Owing to either financial straits or the affluenza that seeps in after a few years of realizing the tedium of sports club management, ownership decided recently to sell the club.

eBay soccer free shipping
(How can you turn down free shipping for an entire club? Have you seen airfare prices these days?)

The club seemed to have made a colossal mistake in judgment when it came to the logistical task of finding buyers, though. For that, they hired USA firm Dornoch Capital, which - as near as we can tell - doesn’t even have their own company website. That’s not to say, of course, that they’re not the savviest of web users.

No, according to the BBC, Dornoch Capital responded to the task of finding buyers by putting their ears to the ground and pouring hundreds of man-hours into uncovering the worthiest of investment partners. Just kidding, they put the damn thing on eBay:

The listing, now removed, […] had a starting bid of $10m.

“We were appalled,” [owner Peter] Johnson told BBC Radio Merseyside.

“It’s totally inappropriate. We immediately e-mailed them and said ‘take it off right away’.”

Sure enough, the listing’s closed, but it’s sure not “off”; you can peruse it right here, as a matter of fact. The description has been edited away, so we’re cheated out of the luxury of reading such jargon-diarrhea as “potential for creating ‘revenue growth’ through sponsorship, television revenues and ‘upgrading the fan experience’,” as the BBC described.

As for whether the firm actually did Tranmere a favor by increasing visibility of the team’s for-sale status by any means necessary, um, no:

Johnson refused to countenance the suggestion that Dornoch Capital had done Rovers a favour in the process by getting the sale in the public domain.

“I don’t think we want this sort of publicity and I think a lot of people knew it was for sale because the local paper mentioned it at the beginning of last season,” he said.

“Don’t want this sort of publicity”? Sir, clearly you don’t know how we do things in America. The only bad publicity is no publicity. Sincerely, the publicity machine that eviscerated the Gosselins‘ family in roughly 15 seconds.