Six-Iron Assault Leads To 21-Month Jail Sentence

Golf club attacks seem particularly funny. Maybe it’s that scene in Sideways or the infamous airhorn prank in Jackass, but either way, we blame movies for this perception. But really, we’re talking about a metal club despigned specifically to send a small hard ball hundreds of yards. Those things can do some damage in the wrong pair of hands.

(He has every right to be upset with himself, but hey: at least he wasn’t in Texas.)

One pair of wrong hands happened to belong to Nicholas Shampine of Puyallup, Washington. Shampine and his group of golfers were playing too slowly for the liking of a group that included James Compton. Well, words got said, someone threatened someone, and Shampine unloaded on Compton’s head with his six iron. That would prove to be a sensationally bad idea.

As KOMO NEWS of Seattle reported, Shampine got a 21-month jail sentence out of the attack… and that’s the light end of the deal:

[Compton] was airlifted to Harborview Medical Center after the attack, which left him with permanent brain damage and memory loss.

Judge Deborah D. Fleck said a prison term at the high end of the sentencing range is justified because Compton will suffer from the effects of the attack for the rest of his life.

“You will be able to pay the price and then go on with your life. You will not suffer brain damage, emotional changes that preclude you from everyday enjoyment of life,” she said to Shampine. “In my view, Mr. Compton and his family won’t have that opportunity.”

That sounds pretty awful, actually.

While there’s no word in the article either way, we’re going to go ahead and assume alcohol was a factor, because duh. This is the uncomfortable down side of providing frosty beverages on the course: while it doesn’t turn everyone into a raging butthole, it doesn’t have to; just one guy with a club in his hand and a devil on his shoulder is enough to really, really spoil a good walk.

It’s almost a wonder this sort of stuff doesn’t happen more often, as a matter of fact. Oh, well. Once is too often.