SI Has Never Had Swimsuit Issues Like This One

Speedo, makers of fine skull caps and grape slings since 1914, has shaken up the Olympic swimming pool with its newest suit, the LZR Racer. Swimmers clad in the unimpressive-looking bodysuits have posted very impressive times, breaking 11 world records since February. This has international swimming authorities in a tizzy, prompting them to call Speedo to the board.

Natalie Coughlin

(Natalie Coughlin, demonstrating the difference between form and function)

Speedo, of course, feels no particular shame about the suit and the many superpowers it gives to its owners. The problem isn’t with a great suit but that many national federations have an exclusive contract with non-Speedo vendors, (adidas, Tyr, Jim’s Swimsuits & Bait and Tackle Shop, etc.) that forbids wearing other companies’ garb.

Therefore, FINA (the world swimming body, which must be very powerful considering the amount of surface water on Earth) has beckoned Speedo to the mat to discuss the fairness of the outfit because of cash and political considerations, not because of scientific success.

While we’re certain some members of the Olympic-watching population will miss seeing Michael Phelps in his tighty-red-white-and-blueies, we encourage the exploration of the outer reaches of human ingenuity and physical accomplishments. Artificially separating the physical and mental brilliance of man serves neither.