Shockey Gives Whole New Meaning To ‘Impaired’

For the first time since around Week 11 of the ‘87 NFL season, I would’ve loved to have heard Chris Berman’s schtick applied to Jeremy Shockey at the ESPYs last night:

Jeremy Shock laughing at ESPYs award

“B.A.C. B.A.C. B.A.C. B.A.C. B.A.C. B.A.C. B.A.C. … GONE!

Seat Filler sign at the ESPYs

(Shockey at “Seat Pourer” check-in)

Not exactly a shocker, considering this sort of red carpet impairment:

Jeremy Shockey with two girls at ESPYs

Believe it or not though, somebody was dealt a better hand.

Marisa Miller and Erin Andrews at The ESPYs

Flushed. I am.