Shock: Beverly Hills’ Little League Is Star-Studded

Being a kid growing up in Beverly Hills apparently has some advantages. I know that’s hardly a revelation, but according to the LOS ANGELES TIMES, the privileges extend all the way to Little League. The kids in Beverly Hills have two former major league All-Stars coaching the game. Meanwhile, the opposing coaches for my opening day of Little League was my friend’s dad who sold hand soap door-to-door, and a guy who drove a windowless van and took kids out for “ice cream.” Advantage: Beverly Hills.

Dave Winfield

The Beverly Hills Little League went out of their way for the league’s exhibition game against a team from nearby Culver City. Dave Winfield and Fred Lynn were the two team’s coaches, while Luke Perry threw out the first pitch. Yes, that Luke Perry, from “Beverly Hills, 90210.” Apparently, he has a kid who is playing in the league, and really, it’s not like he has anything better to do.

Of course, there are the creepy old men at every park, whom the kids know to eye with suspicion. Again, here’s the difference in playing in Beverly Hills: In this case, the old man in question was CNN’s Larry King, who served as PA announcer. Well, sort of: He spent most of his time shouting out random things like, “Hello, Robertson and 3rd!” and “Later on, an interview with superstar Lola Falana!” Kind of sad, really.

It turns out that like Perry, King also has a son playing in the league. Unlike Perry, the thought of King having sex with a woman is enough to make you vomitously ill. Larry also managed to get himself tossed out of a game last year and suspended for two others for arguing with umpires. Which I’m sure didn’t embarrass his son at all - Everyone wants to be associated with the raving, lunatic dad who smells like mothballs and Ensure.