It’s been a day since the news first broke about Shawne Merriman’s arrest on counts of battery and false imprisonment on Tila Tequila, and both camps are staking out their respective sides. Merriman says he was trying to keep her home since she was intoxicated, and Tequila says she’s allergic to alcohol (*update*: an admission she has since deleted).

(She seems friendly. Oh, what’s that? She isn’t at all? Uh-oh.)

But the biggest blows being landed - metaphorically here, people, stick with us - are from a third party, namely one Gloria Velez. That’s her in the picture, if you couldn’t guess, wearing what looks like an incredibly inconvenient outfit. She was recently on some XM show I’ve never heard of, and she had absolutely no qualms with tossing Merriman and Tequila right out the window. The audio is hilariously NSFW, but you can watch video of her interview after the break.

(Video courtesy of BLACK SPORTS ONLINE)

Oh my. Yes, you never, ever want women to be talking about you like that. Especially in public.

The damningest of the damning, of course, is when she chalks up his inability to impregnate her to the steroids Merriman was accused of - and fined for - using. To Velez’s credit, she declines an easy opportunity to really get Merriman in hot water when she’s asked if she saw vials and needles at his house. “Never,” she says repeatedly. So obviously, this isn’t just a straight hit piece.

Well, not on Merriman, anyway. Velez saves a special piece of invective for Tequila, calling her a “4′11″, midget, Myspace ho, non-talented bitch,” except Velez got about two and a half syllables out of “bitch.” The extra syllables are made of hatred.

So then, the real question is… Merriman left Velez for Tila Tequila? Are you kidding?! Now, whether he actually choked Tequila is moot; he ought to be thrown in jail for plain stupidity. Look at Velez, man! That’s a brick house in tight clothes, man. If we had a choice, we’d take one of her over a dozen Tilas. That’s easy.