We already mentioned it as a throwaway link in yesterday’s Speed Read, because it was a funny parody of the strange treatment of thoroughbreds in the horse racing industry but nothing meriting more than one line in a morning post, but in case you missed it THE ONION put together an obviously, ludicrously fake piece about Shawn Johnson being euthanized after breaking a kneecap. We’ll post it below if you never saw it.

(Wait, so none of this real?!)

For whatever reason, be it her “America’s Sweetheart” status, her young age, or the fact that people in her native Iowa have nothing better to do than overreact about anything involving local celebrities,  the DES MOINES REGISTER decided to ask people close to her about the video. Which was satire, people. Surprise, surprise, mock outrage ensues:

In an e-mail, Johnson’s publicist Susan Madore said, “At this time there will be no comment from Shawn or her parents about the video.”

[…] Geena Pilcher, a former gym mate of Shawn Johnson and a soon-to-be-junior at Johnston High School, was not amused by the video.

“It’s sort of rude; it’s just over the top,” said Pilcher, who competed in gymnastics with Johnson for five years.

We’re not here to judge, of course; we either report or post cleavage, you decide. That’s how the equation goes. So here’s the video.

Okay. If you find anything rude or over the top, by all means, let us know exactly what it was. Clearly, nobody could take any of that seriously, especially when the parents began talking about breeding Shawn.

And besides, if the ire of Johnson’s family and friends should be directed at any video makers making a buck off her name, perhaps it ought to be Ortega for this, ahem, “memorable” advertisement.

I mean, come on.