Shaq’s New Twitter Page Is Completely Insane

Apparently, someone decided it would be funny to make Twitter posts pretending to be Shaquille O’Neal. Apparently, the Big Aristotle got wind of this and wasn’t pleased. But he decided to take the proactive approach and start Twittering himself (which sounds gross). As found by ALANA G - his screen name? THE_REAL_SHAQ. (Yes, it is The Real Shaq - we’ve confirmed it). And the results are as hilarious as you would expect them to be.

Shaquille O'Neal's Twitter page

If you aren’t familiar with Twitter, it’s a microblogging site - basically, you can post short updates from your cell phone or computer. Needless to say, if you’re someone as generally daffy as Shaq (or as he says in his Twitter bio, are “VERY QUOTATIOUS”), this has limitlessc comedy potential. Take his most recent post:

“On my way to practice, running late and i got stop by the cops, aaaaaaaggh”

If this was the Twitter of a Bengals player, I’d be a little more worried, but since it’s Shaq I’m guessing he just has to pick up another Fun Time Dress Up Police Officer badge. But don’t accuse Shaq of not being an active Twitter user. Here are some of the gems from the past few days:

His introduction to you, his Twitter follower (in multiple Twitters - Shaq hasn’t quite worked out all the kinks of posting yet):

“Good morning everyone. Let me give you all a hint on how to relate to me, Shaquille O’neal I have a sense of humor I am very quotatious I am super intelligent ( but i hide it, dont want anyone to kno i’m a geek) lol And finally, i say things to make you earthlings think. For example, How many legs would a sheep have if you called its tail a leg? A smarty arty would say 5 < but the super intelligent specimen, such as my self would say…g its tail a leg doesn’t make it a leg….. A ha got you”

If anyone can translate from Shaq to English, please let me know…

Referencing Orlando Magic star Dwight Howard:

“So u wear a cape and win a dunk contest and they call u superman So what do u call a guy wit 4 rings , i know THE REAL SUPERMAN Aka SHAQ”

His opinion of Italian food:

“Im at a italian restaraunt, the fettucini was fabuloso” (Ed. note: Olive Garden has the Neverending Pasta Bowl back?)

On his idols:

“I was on oprah winfrey today, i love oprah, shes my idol”


“I just texted gary payton, one of the greatest point guards ever”

And on the Shaq/Kobe/Phil love triangle:

“This is straight from the shaqs mouth I love phil jackson Kobe bryant is the best palyer in the game And the shaq kobe, kobe shaq was the best one two punch in the history of the game”

In short - it’s awesome, and I’m sure it’s only going to get better once Shaq realizes he has an audience. (I’m not saying he’s an attention whore but…yeah, that’s actually exactly what I’m saying.) Let’s just hope this goes better than Shaq’s last alleged foray into the world of texting.