• VARIETY shoots up news that “Semi-Pro” was the top grossing film of last weekend, but netted only $15 million - “the lowest opening for a major Will Ferrell comedy in almost a decade.”

• In honor of Felix Pie’s twisted testicle, 100% INJURY RATE painfully looks back on some of the more unusual injuries to have befallen athletes.

• The BALTIMORE SUN is shattered that the Orioles’ Kevin Millar decided to break out the pink bat, only to have it splinter after two trips to the plate.

• EVERY DAY SHOULD BE SATURDAY spends their offseason coming up with college coach anagrams.

For Example: Pete Carroll = All Erect Pro.

• Norm Clarke of the LAS VEGAS REVIEW-JOURNAL spots UCLA football coach Rick Neuheisel & new Bruins O.C. Norm Chow spending alumni funds wisely - by splitting a $520 bottle of wine.

• THE LOVE OF SPORTS fills in the blank, as David Stern hates it when Michael Jordan says … ?

• THE SPORTS HERNIA has the hair-raising news of John Kruk’s latest ‘do.

• HUGGING HAROLD REYNOLDS gives a Bronx cheer to celebrity fanboys & fangirls.

• DEUCE OF DAVENPORT is most impressed with this flying over-the-wall catch.