School Sells PSLs for Non-Existent Football Team

UNC Charlotte fears marginalization both in the NCAA and as a member of the Charlotte community, so they pulled together a commission and sussed out the answer to keep alumni involved with the school, the locals drawn into a team that doesn’t start Jake Delhomme, and make the athletic department into a real boy: start a football team!

The school also promises to not cut any men’s teams (warning: PDF) to meet Title IX rules, so they’re adding women’s sports to compensate.  (Because, you know, the exact opposite just happens to be the trend.)  So how do you pay for one more huge team for men, more teams for women, keep student fees down, and aim for that lucrative 2020 bowl bid?

College football cheerleaders

(Investment scheme or football spirit? Why not both?)

No, not the Stimulus Package Fairy, silly.  (Though that’s a good guess; Zygi Wilf likes the way you think.) Instead, sell $1000-2500 seat licenses (in some cases, with up to $1500 yearly contributions to follow) for a stadium that won’t exist until at least 2013.  But don’t worry; you can make yearly installments!

Charlotte, one of the banking hubs of the United States and home to Bank of America, must know something about the economy that we don’t.  Therefore, we assume the recession will be over by 2013.

Thanks, President Obama! It was awfully kind of you to fix the economy in your first term.  For an encore, can you get the Arizona Cardinals in the Super Bowl?  No?  Too much?