SbB@3: Reds at Pirates? Cornell at Yale? Jackpot

Any blog can remind you of all the good sports TV viewing out there. But which one would warn you about all of the dangers that lurk in your TV Guide? Once again we at SbB have only your best interests at heart.

What You Won't Watch

Of special note this week is the WNBA playoffs, where players on teams you never heard of tell each other to talk to the hand. There’s also bass fishing, bowling and a very special episode of Cornell at Yale football, which we know will be watched by at least one person. Hey Bush, don’t hog the pretzels!

Today

Comet Boy

  • 7 p.m.: WNBA Western Conference Semifinals — San Antonio Silver Stars vs. Phoenix Mercury (ESPN2, ESPNHD). Not only did I not know that the WNBA playoffs had reached the semifinals stage, but I didn’t know that San Antonio had a franchise. By the way, my one and only joy connected to the WNBA was in watching this classic 2007 video of Dennis the Jam Cam Guy at a Houston Comets game. Now not only have the Comets disbanded, but YouTube has removed the audio from this Dennis jam due to some kind of copyright violation. Now how am I supposed to “Jump On It”? The week is off to a sucky start.

Tuesday

The Big Lebowski

  • 7 a.m.: Collegiate Bass Championship (Versus). Today, Lake Lewisville is not for the meek. Probably the only way I’d actually watch this is if they combined it with the America’s Cup.
  • 8 p.m.: Bowling, 2001 PBA Reno National/Senior Doubles (ESPN Classic). It’s no 1988 Kessler Open, but it does feature that year’s No. 2 money winner and chick magnet Parker Bohn III. I only hope to God your DVR has enough free space. This PBA, by the way, is not to be confused with the Philippine Basketball Association.
  • 10 p.m.: Joe Buck Live (HBO). My apologies to those who actually like this show, but I use it to scare raccoons from beneath my house. Guests include Joe Namath, Mark Cuban and Jerry Jones, but apparently no Artie Lange. Which is a shame, because I was hoping that this would be the episode where Artie and Joe finally kiss.

Wednesday

  • 4 p.m.: Cincinnati Reds at Pittsburgh Pirates (FSN Ohio, FSN Pittsburgh, Comcast). The kind of excitement that only teams with a combined 172 losses which are 47 1/2 games out of first can provide.

Thursday

  • 5 p.m.: Div. II college football, Wingate at Tusculum (CBSC). A key South Atlantic Conference tussle. Did you know that Tusculum is the oldest college in Tennessee? It has sent one player to the NFL — cornerback Ricardo Colclough of the Kansas City Chiefs — who was dismissed from the Panthers in 2008 after getting a DUI.
  • 7 p.m.: Women’s golf, LPGA CVS/Pharmacy Challenge (Golf Channel). From beautiful Danville Calif., where the forecast is for 100 degrees in the afternoon, with chances of intermittent In-Kyung Kim.

Friday

  • 4 p.m., fishing, Angler of the Year Pregame Show (ESPN2). You didn’t think they were just going to launch into the Angler of the Year without a ratings-grabbing pregame show, did you? With special dance number by bass expert Skeet Reese.

Saturday

Yale Cornell

  • 9 a.m.: College football, Cornell at Yale (Versus). I don’t know how anyone can concentrate on football when Yale just won the Nevins Trophy, its second regatta title in two weeks. Hmm, in the picture above, why is the woman on the far right bringing her bowling ball?

Sunday

  • 10 a.m.: NFL, Washington Redskins at Detroit Lions (Fox). Children of the Zorn vs. Party Boat Matt, in what could actually be compelling if the Lions are within striking distance in the fourth quarter. But if you have no desire to see a team go 0-for-its-past-19, then how about …
  • 10:30 a..m: Men’s golf, The Tour Championship (NBC). Presented by Coca-Cola-from the East Lake GC, Atlanta, Georgia, right smack in the middle of the early round of NFL games.
  • 3 p.m., movie, “Children of the Corn” (Encore). Starring Linda Hamilton and Rock Cartwright. It all makes sense now.