SbB@3: When Joe Namath And Plaid Slacks Ruled

Imagine being a starting quarterback who has just won the Super Bowl, and having your own television variety show. That was Joe Namath, circa 1969, when he hosted the infamous “Joe Namath Show.” The premise was that Joe just invited whoever the hell he felt like talking with, and they taped a show. They don’t make them like that anymore.

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Here’s Joe, below, chatting with guest host Dick Schapp, and … hmm. Can you identify the other two? While you’re pondering that, enjoy women’s soccer, UCLA football, and loads of other listings from which to steer clear. You’re welcome.

The Joe Namath Show

(Still better than “Joe Buck Live”)

TONIGHT

(Would rather be bowling)

  • 6 p.m., ESPN Classic, Bowling. 1995 PBA Oregon Open. I want to meet the man who is switching between this and the MNF game between the Saints and Falcons. Better yet, I’d like to meet the man who is watching this instead of the Saints and Falcons. He should be stuffed and placed in some sort of museum exhibit.

TUESDAY

(Count me in)

  • 4:30 a.m., Versus, outdoors. Babe Winkelman, Double-Talking Montana Elk. Shooting God’s creatures with a bow and arrow, so as to be sure their deaths are not quick and painless.
  • 1 p.m., ESPN 360, Horse racing. 2009 Breeders’ Cup Draw. Jets fans show up and boo each selection, just out of habit.

WEDNESDAY

  • 7 a.m., Versus, outdoors. American Airgunner: Pneumatic Airguns. “Operation and maintenance of all types of pneumatics, hand pump operation, operating air compressors, snuffing a candle with a pellet.” A fair bet that every hyperactive child in the world will be up watching this.

  • 4:30 p.m., ESPN Classic, variety. The Joe Namath Show. The 1969 cult classic. You’ll tune in for Namath, but you’ll stay for co-host Dick Schapp.

THURSDAY

  • Midnight, ESPNU, College football. College Football Primetime — Eastern Michigan vs. Northern Illinois. It’s all happening at Husky Stadium in DeKalb, Ill., … where Dodgers GM Ned Colletti and ESPN’s Nicole Manske once sat in the stands and cheered their hearts out!

FRIDAY

Kiana Toms

  • 8 p.m., ESPNU, College women’s soccer. Women’s College Soccer Built By The Home Depot — San Diego vs. Portland. How can anything that combines “Home Depot” and “college women’s soccer” not be ratings gold?
  • ESPN Classic, Fitness. Hey, No Denise Austin? No Kiana Toms? What gives, ESPN? I’m supposed to watch repeated episodes of “Stump the Schwab”?

SATURDAY

  • 2:30 p.m., FSPT, College Football. Washington at UCLA. Wait, what is FSPT? This stands for Fox Sports Prime Ticket, a fact I had to look up. But hey, it’s in HD!

SUNDAY

  • 4:05 PM, FOX, Lions at Seahawks. The heady days of the Vikings-at-Packers/World Series Game 4 doubleheader are just a distant memory now. Reality is a b****. Not a single soul in my household will watch this, and I have an actual lion.