SbB@3: It’s Raiders At Giants … The Horror …

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If you can avoid only one game this week, it should probably be the Raiders at the Giants on Sunday at 1 p.m. ET on CBS. Some are calling the Giants the best team in the NFL, and the Raiders, who may not even have a coach, um, are not. May cause loss of vision and abdominal cramps; view at your own risk. Elsewhere on your dial:

TONIGHT

  • 6 p.m., ESPN Classic: Motor sports: Drag racing, NHRA in Memphis. While the rest of the world is watching Packers-Vikings, you’re watching this. Sad. But then again, don’t you wish your funeral could be as cool as Jerome Miller’s, shown above? Miller died on Tuesday, and that’s his hearse taking one final pass at Great Lakes Dragaway in Paris, Wisconsin. RIP (Race in peace).

TUESDAY

  • 8 p.m., ESPN2, College football: Middle Tennessee State at Troy. The Troy Athletic web site asks, “Where will you be for the Battle of the Palladium at Gallery Veterans Stadium? Well, I’ll probably be watching …
  • 8 p.m., Speed Channel, motor sports: USHRA Monster Truck Jam. The best part about this is that it’s (CC); closed captioned for the hearing impaired. How do you caption truck noises?

WEDNESDAY

  • 8 p.m. ESPN2, Women’s basketball: WNBA Finals. Phoenix at Indiana. Nicknames not included because I don’t know them. Wait … Mercury! Which I believe goes with Phoenix.

THURSDAY

  • 9 p.m., Versus, pro football: United Football League opener, California Redwoods at Las Vegas Locomotives. I won’t blame you if you watch the first quarter for curiosity’s sake, but anyone found with this still on their TV by 10 p.m. shall be mocked, and made to watch repeated viewings of “Lucky Louie.”

FRIDAY

  • 10 p.m., Versus, outdoors: Best and Worst of Tred Barta, Northern British Columbia Moose. “How close do you want to get? How close will you let an 1800 lb. moose get? Full rut, Northern British Columbia, longbow, homemade wooden arrows.” If you know me, then you know that angering a moose by indiscriminately launching flimsy wooden arrows is my idea of fun.

SATURDAY

Gardner-Webb Runnin Bulldogs

  • Noon, CSNE, College football: Maine at Hofstra. This was actually a pretty good game last year. I suppose ESPN knows what it’s doing by not showing it this season.
  • 2:30 p.m., ESPNGP, College football: Gardner-Webb at Buffalo. Can QB Stan Doolittle and the Runnin’ Bulldogs corral the Bulls in this important showdown? Personally I’d rather go outside and drink from the hose. And to think you paid extra for this.

SUNDAY

  • 1 p.m., CBS, Oakland at NY Giants. See above. Al Davis a little pissed that Tom Cable will not have the Death Star completed on schedule.
  • 1 p.m., CBS, Cleveland at Buffalo. Yecch. Attention fantasy owners: If Terrell Owens doesn’t score a touchdown here, your pick is officially Fail.