Santana Moss Misses Practice for 3-Day Birthday

We chuckled rather loudly when we heard Santana Moss couldn’t make it into practice Monday because his three-day 29th birthday party weekend took too much out of him, but we guffawed when we read the text of his confession on PRO FOOTBALL TALK:

“I told them you think you’re still young and you can still hold up, but they all know what time it was. Have to chalk it up and be ready the next day.”

Optimus Prime birthday cake

(For those of you planning for our six-week birthday celebration, make sure you create a Transformers cake as tall as us. We’ll transform it into poo for you.)

We were never in organized football, so we didn’t know what “chalk talk” was until today. We learn so much from football players! For example, we learned how to throw a three-day birthday extravaganza. First, have your wife stay in Miami with the kids while you throw the party. Check.

Friday: Have everyone head to the steakhouse and then a nightclub for a “White Party”. (Everybody means “7,500 of your closest friends”, but you knew that.) Everyone wear white; everyone drink white drinks; everyone enjoy aerialists in white… you get the theme.

Saturday: Football camp for the kids because “… even though it’s my birthday, I’m trying to give back.” Then another party.

Sunday: Barbecue… and then party.

Monday: “Sorry, Jimmy Z… can’t make it into work today. I seem to have caught some kind of fluish thing. Yeah, totally out of the blue. Can’t understand it. See you Tuesday!”

We look forward to the Jim Zorn reign as Redskins coach. After all, ‘Skins fans are low-key and not the least bit intense about their team. This should go swimmingly.

… oooh. Pool party next year. Pencil that in.