Saints’ Handicapped Parking Fiend Finally Nabbed

Things must be getting better in New Orleans, because police are putting pro football players in the clink for parking in handicapped spots. I know, I know … if we let one New Orleans Saints safety get away with it, pretty soon there’s handicapped parking chaos. But it still seems rather petty.

Usama Young

Usama Young’s reign of terror came to an end on Thursday when police finally arrested him for parking in a spot reserved for the physically challenged. On hearing the news, handicapped persons throughout Orleans County emerged from their homes for the first time in weeks, squinting at the unfamiliar sunshine and saying a silent prayer that the parking scofflaw had been apprehended. They are free at last to park conveniently in front of the 7-Eleven and use the gentle, sloping mini-driveway hollowed into the curb, now that Young is behind bars. Finally, parking justice.

Actually, Young’s misdeeds were a tad more serious, but just a tad. The warrant issued for his arrest was actually for not showing up in court on the handicapped parking violation. Then he was pulled over for speeding (55 mph in a 40 zone! Hit your siren, Lou), and arrested for the failure to appear.

The best part, though, was that he had to issue an apology to Saints’ fans. Yes we are serious.

“I am sincerely sorry,” Young said. “I will never park in those spots again. I know there is no excuse for my actions, but I promise it will never happen again.”

Will America accepted Young’s apology? What will Roger Goodell do? Will People For The Ethical Treatment of Handicapped Persons picket the Saints’ home opener? A grim-faced Saints’ spokesman immediately went into damage control.

Saints spokesman Greg Bensel said the team was aware of Young’s arrest.

“We are working with him, our legal counsel and we are supporting Usama in this matter,” Bensel said.

I only hope that it’s not too late.

(Meanwhile, outside of SbB headquarters … Gaines!)