Saints Cover Owner’s Cars In Feces. Wait, What?!

Conflict resolution is a fine art, often requiring the greatest of tact by both parties involved. If there’s one thing you want, it’s to bring everyone to a common understanding and work from there. We would probably recommend a handshake. We would probably not recommend taking a giant dump on your boss’s car. Good holy lord we would not recommend that.

Car bird poop
(If this story were about the Cardinals)

But according to PROFOOTBALLTALK.COM, that’s precisely what some members of the New Orleans Saints did to owner Tom Benson. Seriously. They saw some new cars of his… and pooped on them. Details, all safe for work because come on folks, gross, after the break:

Saints owner Tom Benson owns various car dealerships.  We’re told that, each year, he brings a mini-fleet of new cars to the team facility in the hopes of getting some of his employees to make a purchase.

As we hear it, the players don’t really appreciate the sales pitch, due in part to the perception that they aren’t offered much of a deal.

PFT says it’s from a reliable source, and why on earth would you make that up? And yeah, it’s kind of shady to try to sell stuff to the people whose checks you cut, but there must have been a more artful, less Mapplethorpy way to make the point.

Give the unnamed doo-doo artists credit, though. Had they just gone for the regular old vandalism by keying a door or something, they’re definitely looking at criminal charges. But poop washes clean.