Ryan Braun’s Agent Tries for Second Great Pitch

After Ryan Braun secured his seven-year, $51m contract in May, you’d think Braun would be so thankful to his agent that he might give him the summer off. After all, what else does a young man in Milwaukee need? A hookup for Summerfest tickets?

Arliss

(When we heard there would be agent throwing, we started our own list.)

But no; Ryan Braun is a thankless taskmaster. That’s why he has enlisted his agent, Nez Balelo, to throw to him for the Home Run Derby tonight. It’s not true that Nez has to stand in the sweltering Bronx summer sun in his suit, but CAA (his boss) does require he keep his Blackberry in his glove.

Actually, the two gentlemen met long ago at a baseball camp as Braun was an up-and-coming youngster and Nez had just left his dreams of the big leagues behind and was running the camp. Balelo now has numerous clients, but he doesn’t seem to mind favoring Braun. In fact, Nez has been throwing to Ryan for the last 7-8 years in the offseason.

We didn’t need much help to root for Braun in the Home Run Derby, but we will definitely do so now. Him and Dan Uggla, assuming he can convince any security personnel that he’s a second baseman for the Marlins. Honestly, this guy’s so big that he’s got chunks of Mike Fontenot in his stool.

Dan Uggla