Royals Skipper Says God Talks To Him. Okay Then

We don’t normally make it a point to mock other peoples’ religion; One of the nastiest things you can do to someone is dismiss their most fervently held beliefs, after all. Yet at the same time, crazy behavior is crazy behavior, no matter where it all stems from, and when a sitting Major League manager professes to take professional advice from God, well, we must comment.

Trey Hillman Talks To Not People
(”Let us pray. Very good. Your stoic silence is an inspiration to us all.”)

That’s Royals manager Trey Hillman, apparently trying to convert some crash test dummies. Actually, we’re told that’s the Royals’ bullpen lineup for 2009. We digress. Hillman is very, very Christian. He’s much more Christian than you are. If Christianity were an eating disorder, you would be able to play the xylophone on Hillman’s ribs. And unlike you, borderline heathen, Hillman doesn’t even need unrequited faith, because according to the KANSAS CITY STAR, God tells him personally (!!!) what to do:

God speaks to Trey Hillman. He swears this is true. Hillman says that when God told him to move his family to Japan, the message he heard was to “be bold with your faith, never back down.”

So when his team followed Japanese tradition and went to a Buddhist temple his first year there, he knelt and prayed to his own Jesus.

Enraged, Buddha climbed forth from his watery home and confronted Jesus, eventually fighting him in the Japanese countryside. Fortunately, we have video:

Ahem. SbB would like to offer our sincerest apologies to our readers, as that clip is actually Godzilla vs. Rodan, not Buddha vs. Jesus. Jesus, as everyone knows, had a beard.

As you can probably guess, like all strange personality affectations, Trey’s fervent Christianity comes from an incident during his childhood, when his father told him something that, frankly, would mess with just about any child’s head for the rest of his life:

On this day, Trey asks about Santa and Dad gives him the truth. OK. Trey asks about the tooth fairy and Dad gives him the truth. Hmm. Trey asks about the Easter bunny. Dad gives him the truth. Deep breath. Trey thinks for a moment. He goes the next step.

What about God?

Is that real?

Whoa. This just turned serious. Dad’s face loses all humor. God is very real. It’s more important, Dad says, for you to love Jesus Christ than it is for you to love me. The words come calm and steady. “Son, it’s more important for me to spend time with Jesus Christ than it is to spend time with you.”

With all due respect to the Hillmans’ faith… GOD DAMN.

But hey, at least the Royals, who need all the help they can get as they try to climb out of the cellar, have a guy who goes hard all the time and focuses tons and tons on baseball, right?

Perhaps the best way to understand [Hillman] is to understand what’s most important in his life.

It’s not baseball.

Yes, this will end well.