Roger’s Anvil Of Justice To Fall On Plaxico, Vick?

Everyone who’s planning an NFL comeback this season please take a step forward. Um, not so fast, Michael Vick and Plaxico Burress. Our two chief NFL antagonists may be grabbing headlines regarding their plans for the 2009 season, but according to YAHOO SPORTS’ Jason Cole, NFL Commish Roger Goodell would probably prefer that they grab some pine.

Plaxico Burress, Michael Vick

Vick is scheduled to be released from confinement on July 20 — did you remember to buy him a card? — after serving 20 months for crimes against pooches. And while a reality show would be fun, what he really wants to do is play ball. Burress’ gun case, meanwhile, has been adjourned until September, and may not be heard until March, 2010. At least he’s staying in shape in the meantime.

Goodell may be planning to go all Barney Fife on their asses; suspensions may be imminent. From YAHOO:

“[Vick] is not just walking out one day and playing again,” the source close to Vick said. “I don’t know if he understands that yet, but that’s what it looks like right now if you really pay attention. … Yeah, he served his time, but he has to prove himself. When the commissioner talks about wanting to see remorse, he’s not kidding.”

How Vick can fix things, thus opening the door for him to join the Raiders this season:

1. Submit to that PETA brain scan.

2. Must go on tour promoting this book.

3. Run gauntlet made up of members of the Cleveland Browns Dawg Pound.

4. Attend all Friday walk-throughs dressed like this.

Meanwhile, Goodell is reportedly a bit peeved that Burress has not accepted some sort of plea deal on his gun possession case, thus getting the penalty phase behind him. Most NFL teams, likewise, are taking a wait-and-see approach before signing the former Giants’ receiver.

“The commissioner would rather have the prosecutors take some action before he does anything, but he’s prepared to do something regardless if he has to,” the league source said.

How Burress can repair his image and get back into the league immediately:

1. Embark on crimefighting career.

2. Become Goodell’s Facebook friend.

3. Ditch the “Zardoz” Halloween costume. Not even funny.

4. Appeal to the most powerful person in the United States.

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