Rick Reilly Okay w/Stealing Yankee Stadium Stuff

As we all know, this is the final season of venerable old Yankee Stadium. But before the grand ol’ ballpark gets bulldozed, Rick Reilly rallies Yankee fans to swipe a sign or steal a seat before it’s too late.

Bob Sheppard Yankee Stadium

In his latest column for ESPN THE MAGAZINE, Reilly writes that fans should, nay, “must!” take what they can from a sporting venue he elegantly refers to as “our Roman Coliseum, our sports Louvre, our Delphi“:

…Next week’s All-Star game sets up as a kind of Final Viewing, and, like any good funeral, grievers will be trying to slide a wristwatch or a set of cufflinks off the corpse on the way by. This might turn into a pickpocket convention: armrests, pieces of façade, maybe even turnstiles will go missing.

But it shouldn’t be just spectators grabbing a piece or three of baseball history. The Yankees players want in on the action, too. And here’s what they plan on poaching:

Mariano Rivera: “I’d steal some dirt. Just from around the mound, where I work. I don’t steal, but that would be nice. I’d display it somewhere special in the house.”

Hideki Matsui: Dirt from the left side of the batter’s box. “I don’t have a backyard right now, but if I did, I’d dig out the dirt and haul it back in a truck.”

Joba Chamberlain: “I’d take the whole clubhouse. Piece by piece. Hopefully, they won’t notice they’re missing a roof and later, a bench. I’d add onto my house.”

And what of fan favorite Derek Jeter? The shortstop wouldn’t elaborate on his proposed booty, only to say that it would be “bigger than a breadbox” and that “When it’s gone, they’re going to come after me.”

That’s a puzzler. We can only think of one thing he’d want:

Alex Rodriguez Derek Jeter

Well, he is available at the moment.