Report: Pacman Deal To Dallas Just About Done

Adam Jones (known to friends and family as Pacman) wants to play in Dallas. The Cowboys apparently want him to play in Dallas too, and are closing in on a trade for him.

Pacman Jones

(Wait… he plays football, too? He’s amazing!)

Wait, why are you still here? Is there something more? Did he ask for a retired number or something? Tampering charges? Is there lettuce stuck in his teeth? What is it?

Oh, that’s right. Pacman Jones is Pure Evil and must be smited by a righteous hand. Thanks, Kyle Turley!

We admit we can’t get too excited about Pacman Jones anymore. We’re eternally grateful for having learned how to make it rain without cloud seeding and recognize he’s participated in some miserable acts that we can’t get behind, but he’s too much trouble for the casual observer now.

Getting close to his story any more involves having to wade past the carnival barkers and self-appointed wise men like Turley, who at least hasn’t threatened to kill Jones yet. The noxious fumes accumulated from these chatterers pretty much ruins any attempt to get any nuance or understanding of Jones.

Therefore, we will dutifully note his possible uniform change, wish him the best, and hope a year or two of keeping his nose clean will lower the wailing of his critics to a grumble so we can try to appreciate the man and the football player once again.

(If you’re going to keep your nose clean, though, don’t hang around Michael Irvin.)

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