We’re *pissed* that Scott Van Pelt’s not starring in “Semi-Pro” instead of Will Ferrell - and we don’t have to apologize for saying so.

• The Broncos may have been Belichick-ing the Chargers, as a report revealed that Denver was spying on San Diego:

• Manny Ramirez sox it to his agent, then gets on board with Boras.

• ‘Love Boat’ louse & ex-Hurricane Bryant McKinnie blows into Miami, causing a seastorm of spitting & obscenities outside a nightclub.

• Congress is pitching to put Roger Clemens under investigation for perjury.

• Darren McFadden runs really fast; Probably trying to get away for a paternity suit.

• The latest Lebron rumors have King James jumping to join Jay-Z in Brooklyn with the Nets.

• Congratulations, Kobe! You just earned your first ejection of the season.

• Kelvin Sampson just can’t stay off the phone.

• It’s just not your year when your basketball team sets new NCAA records of futility while you deal with a cancer scare.

• Now that Fidel Castro’s finished, Cuba is looking to get back in the golf game.