You know how in those Star Wars movies, the Jedi guys could use The Force to make things move without touching them? How come those guys never cheated at sports? Like, I know Obi-Wan and Luke were “the good guys” and they were off doing their hero things, but you can’t tell me Darth Vader wouldn’t paint the lines with his backhand during a rousing game of tennis on the Death Star. And you can’t tell me you wouldn’t watch Darth Vader vs. Jimmy Connors. That would be the top game of tennis ever.
Digression aside, The Force has come to sports - well, if you consider bowling a sport, anyway. The 900 Global company in San Antonio have devised the world’s first remote-controlled bowling ball, and it is every bit as unfair as you would imagine. For a demonstration of the ball negotiating a four-chair slalom during the course of one throw (look, just go with it), a video is after the break.
(I just don’t see why there had to be chairs on the lane in the first place. That seems like a foul.)
From POPULAR MECHANICS:
The bowler steers the ball by adjusting the position of a weight screwed onto a threaded shaft inside the ball.
The product is being marketed to young children and those unable to bowl because of physical limitations. The ball itself is surprisingly nimble, as […] one of them slaloms smoothly around four chairs set up along the lane before striking the headpin. Of course, no one ever said a perfect game was cheap; 900 Global’s ball retails for $1500.
One little problem, as you might have guessed - if you want to have any shot at controlling the ball, you have to roll it so slowly that a strike is near-impossible. We do have to give a little credit to whoever was controlling the ball on the above demo, though; the “hit the head pin, wait a bit for all the pins to fall down, then go after one of the pins that was left” was a choice move.
Luckily, this ball still hasn’t infringed on our greatest idea to date: a bowling ball that rights itself on a certain axis as it travels down the lane, then right near the end, you push a button and two telescoping arms come out each side extending a foot either way. AUTOMATIC STRIKE EVERY TIME. Start sending the donations now if you want to get in on the ground floor; we’ll be millionaires off it by 2012. Or maybe we won’t. Whatever, just send us money already, greedy bastards.