Red Card Leads To Player’s Chainsaw Rampage

What started as a friendly soccer match just south of London turned ugly when a player was given a red card and sent off the pitch for using foul langauge, which is just unnecessary and ruins everyone’s good time. Wait, you say that’s not enough to warrant a post? How about the fact that he returned to the field with a chainsaw and tried to cut off the hands of a rival player?

Army of Darkness

Via UNPROFESSIONAL FOUL, Anthony Lloyd, a 20-year-old sore loser, chased down the opposing player and cornered him in the bushes, cutting his chest and trying to chop off his hands. It’s like The Malice At The Palace, only with power tools. And a statement from the prosecuting attorney that sounds like a pitch for a horror movie, after the jump.

Prosecutor Laura Plant told the court: “They heard an engine start and saw the defendant coming out of the bushes revving a chainsaw.

“The victim’s friend ran off, leaving him cornered by the defendant.”

Lloyd began thrusting the chainsaw at Mr Westwood, cutting his chest.

Ms Plant added: “He tried to chop his hands off while Mr Westwood was defending himself. He then walked off.”

Unsurprising fact number 1: Lloyd had been drinking. Number 2: he has a history of drug abuse and violent behavior (this is his eighth conviction.) In fact, he is already on probation for possessing a knife.

Lloyd was sentenced to a year in prison and ordered to a drug rehab program, but surprisingly not prohibited from again watching Victory and The Texas Chainsaw Massacre back-to-back.