• A debt-ridden professional poker player is arrested for killing his parents in an attempt to get at his inheritance sooner than scheduled.

• Jonathan Papelbon has a premonition that he isn’t long for this world.

• Isn’t there anyone who wants to stay #1 in college basketball?

• A 45-year-old Ohio man loses 200 pounds on his way to becoming a college wrestler.

• Late-night b-ball games are causing HS athletes to fall asleep in clas… zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

• A Southern sports radio host gets 5 years in jail for defrauding investors.

• Skip Bayless says certain Cowboys claimed that QB Troy Aikman “played for both sides”, if you know what we mean.

• Indiana U. wanted to co-name their old basketball gym after the Big Ten’s first African-American player. Too bad the other name belonged to a racist.

• And the winner of today’s Silver Dancer caption contest is…

MostElectrifyingFan, who slams down this quip: Gorgeous Ladies Of Wrestling presents “Farmer’s Daughter - The Musical!”

Thanks for playing. A new contest shakes & shimmies your way tomorrow.