One of the wonderments of being cramped up on a cross-country flight so tight that you can’t use your laptop is staying current on airline periodicals. In other words, SKYMALL! As we all try to figure out why America is rapidly going broke, I think I might be on to something:

(Bucks, Pats faces modeled after Jim Tressel, Bill Belichick)

Forget toxic mortgage bundles and government bailouts. I think spending money on something called “Forest Faces” may truly be at the root of our financial crisis.

The newest craze in outdoor decor, Forest Faces attach to trees, fences or even walls outside your home or campsite, and let visitors know which team you’re rooting for. The resin facial features and logo stand up even in harsh weather and secure to tree trunks via durable hooks.

Not to mention this fine item from the folks at Upper Deck:

Here’s a wonderfully true-to-life mounted action figure of Michael Jordan.

Skymall claims the figure is based on “facial scans” of Jordan. It truly is an amazing reproduction of Jordan, apparently right after he parted ways as one of the little-known founding members of Bell Biv Devoe.

And contrary to what you might think, that facial expression isn’t based on having a pole stuck up his arse. No, it came when M.J. found out about the Bobcats recent trade with the Suns - from his Barbados bungalow.