Rays Ace, Bristol Palin Talk About Teen Pregnancy

If there’s one thing Matt Garza knows, it’s pitching. That, and how to knock up your girlfriend while you’re still in high school. The Rays hurler was last year’s ALCS MVP, but I’d like to nominate him for MVP of teenage pregnancy.

Hayden Panettiere, Matt Garza, Bristol Palin

Garza was in New York yesterday for a town hall meeting on teenage pregnancy, where he was one third of the more random panels ever. He, Bristol Palin and Hayden Panettiere lectured kids on keeping it in their pants. Odd words from a triumvirate that consists of two people who didn’t listen to their own advice, plus the chick from “Heroes”.

The event was sponsored by the Candie’s Foundation, which stands for…well, no one really knows. Sometimes they say they’re raising awareness of teenage pregnancy, which isn’t really a secret phenomenon. And sometimes they say they’re supporting prevention of teenage pregnancy, which is odd because they don’t recommend condoms or birth control.

Hayden Panettiere, Matt Garza, Bristol Palin

Garza was 18 when his first child was born, and told the audience it’s no walk in the park. Sort of.

“I’ll throw any day of the week, but if I’m stuck at home with my two kids it’s an absolute circus.”

Maybe he’s not the best example for teens considering whether to get pregnant. Remember, boys, if you get your girlfriend pregnant, its OK, because the mother will stay at home to take care of them all day, and you get to play baseball!

He also advises kids that their loins are Satan’s work, and that you should never give them a chance to do their dirty dirty business:

“Don’t be caught alone with someone you have those kinds of feelings for.”

Well, that, or don’t have sex while you’re too young. Or if you do, be sure to use a condom. Failing that, the morning after pill is readily available. And if not, medical abortions are safe and legal. No, no, he’s right. Best just not to ever spend time alone with your girlfriend.