It must be great to be a Celtics PR flack these days, at least compared to last season. The Celtics can’t stop winning; the city loves the players; no one’s getting in any trouble. It beats explaining the last known whereabouts of Vin Baker, anyway.

On the other hand, there’s exactly the same amount of space for the Boston media to fill and “Should Kevin Garnett get the MVP this year or should they just award it to him for the next three years now?” only goes so far. That must explain why the BOSTON HERALD got so damned excited about Ray Allen’s book-buying habits.

Yes, Ray Allen bought books at Borders about retirement and the HERALD was there! Is there retirement in those eyes? Could he be leaving us so soon? Is this piece 300 words yet?

Of course, the Celtics responded respectfully (though with verbal eye rolling):

“”Ray enjoys and is avid about reading,” Celts PR man Jeff Twiss told the Track. “He’s interested in a variety of topics and subjects, and he did purchase a book on retirement because a good friend is comptemplating retirement in the near future. And he thought a book would be a nice gift.”"

It’s easy to imagine Mr. Twiss continuing…

“Sweet Jesus H. Shuttlesworth, people! Dude makes one ka-trillion dollars in cash and he’s digging around the bargain bin at Borders to make his retirement decisions? Does Borders sell “Retiring for Really Rich People Which You Aren’t So Put Down This Book”? Big seller there? Should he pick up one more for Kevin while he’s there?

“For this I put down my sandwich? Just drop a Shaq on me now. End it here. What should I tell Mom when she calls tonight? ‘Yes, Mom, I explained to the BOSTON HERALD today that certain NBA players like to read and occasionally shop at bookstores. I feel I gave back to the community.’”

Unfortunately, Mr. Twiss cannot answer like this, for there could only be one follow up: “Wait, so Kevin Garnett is retiring?”