If you know me at all, then you know that I usually try to avoid any story in which a member of the Philadelphia Phillies is offering to give out samples of his stool. But this can’t be avoided, so here goes. Raul Ibanez is denying, in spectacular fashion, speculation that he might be on steroids. Seriously, is he going to have to choke a b***h?
In a post on his MIDWEST SPORTS FAN blog recently, Jerod Morris ruminated on Ibanez’s improved hitting numbers, bringing up the notion that they may be due to his possibly being on the juice. Ibanez was not amused, and fired back in an interview with the ink and newsprint-based PHILADELPHIA INQUIRER.
“I’ll come after people who defame or slander me,” he said before last night’s game against the New York Mets. “It’s pathetic and disgusting. There should be some accountability for people who put that out there. You can have my urine, my hair, my blood, my stool — anything you can test,” Ibanez said. “I’ll give you back every dime I’ve ever made” if the test is positive, he added.
“I’ll put that up against the jobs of anyone who writes this stuff,” he said. “Make them accountable. There should be more credibility than some 42-year-old blogger typing in his mother’s basement. It demeans everything you’ve done with one stroke of the pen.
“Nobody is above the testing policy. We’ve seen that.”
What Morris (who says he is 27) originally wrote:
Thirdly, it’s time for me to begrudgingly acknowledge the elephant in the room: any aging hitter who puts up numbers this much better than his career averages is going to immediately generate suspicion that the numbers are not natural, that perhaps he is under the influence of some sort of performance enhancer. And since I was not able to draw any absolute parallels between his prodigously improved HR rate and his new ballpark’s hitter-friendliness, it would be foolish to dismiss the possibility that “other” performance enhancers could be part of the equation.
Sorry Raul Ibanez and Major League Baseball, that’s just the era that we are in — testing or no testing.
First, can we retire the “parents’ basement” analogy once and for all? It was cute in 1992 when everyone was writing with a DOS system, but now when you use it, it indicates that you’ve just recently discovered the Internet. I, for instance, write from my own basement; my parents have remodeled theirs and would never let me in there.
(Mom! I told you never to come down here while I’m writing my blog!)
Second, it should be noted that Morris, aside from not being able to spell the word “prodigiously,” wrote the comments in a post about his rotisserie baseball league. Those people’s worlds are ruled by numbers and minutiae; a life which has been reduced to a series of decimal points. They’re liable to write anything, and shouldn’t be taken seriously.
But while 15 years ago the thoughts of a baseball stats nerd were confined to a worn spiral notebook seen by the 10 or so socially awkward friends in his league, now they are out there for all the world to see. This caused ESPN to wonder aloud on its “Outside the Lines” segment, shouldn’t there be more accountability? (Morris will be playing himself, and Ken Rosenthal of Fox Sports will be taking the role of Buzz Bissinger).
Meanwhile, Ibanez just keeps rolling along. He leads the Phils in three categories with a .325 average, with 20 homers and 55 RBI. In night games, his average climbs to .327, but when he plays on the west coast during the day, his numbers … err, no, I’m not in a rotisserie league!