Raiders Done With Earth, Will Now Suck In Space

There are quite a few worthy contenders near the top of the list, but only one team stands alone as the most hilariously inept franchise in all of sports: the Oakland Raiders. Perhaps other teams’ records are just as bad or worse (Natinals, anyone?), but nobody matches the Raiders’ unholy combination of bad football, bad management, and bad fans (seriously, guys, your face paint and tinfoil spikes aren’t fooling anyone).

Oakland Raiders airplane

(This is not a rocketship, but it does say Raiders. Close?)

The Raiders are so good at being bad, they’ve apparently gotten bored with the lowly confines of Earth. Really, what’s left to accomplish in the world of badness? You’ve wasted your #1 draft pick on a stiff like Darius Heyward-Bey, your owner redefines the word “senile,” and your coach just punched out a top assistant. Clearly, your work here is done. That must be why the Raiders are the first team to branch out into the bold new world of … Outer Space!

Yes indeedy - the Raiders go to space. It sounds like a wacky title of a sci-fi B-movie, but it’s actually the plan of astronaut Jose Hernandez (not that one) - sort of. From the SAN JOSE MERCURY-NEWS:

Mission specialist Jose Hernandez, 47, who grew up in Stockton and spent 14 years working at Lawrence Livermore National Laboratory, will take a Raiders flag with him during the mission to deliver equipment and supplies to the International Space Station, the football team’s spokesman said Monday.

Oh boy, a flag in space. It was probably a compromise after Hernandez’ request to airbrush a Raiders skull and crossbones on the side of the shuttle was denied. We’re not going to knock the poor team any further, as this is by far team’s greatest accomplishment since 2002. Just hope the Raiders’ ineptitude doesn’t follow Hernandez into space; experiencing failure in Oakland-Alameda County Stadium is bad, but failure in space would really, really suck, and not be particularly comical at all.