Dirty Hollywood secret here: Old men don’t just drop dead very often, not nearly as much as you see in the movies. If a heart is prone to sudden attack, it’s usually “evident”* well before the person gets into their 80’s. TMYK!

(Hey, speaking of stone dead JoePas…)

But that’s probably news to outgoing Penn State wideout Derrick Williams, who was asked while at the combine about his venerable old coach, Joe Paterno. Williams mused to the FORT WAYNE JOURNAL GAZETTE about Paterno’s love of the game and his retirement prospects, then dropped a line that, taken totally out of context, leads us to believe D-Will has the casual approach to death typical of all serial killers:

Actually, it is one of the things that scares the Penn State players the most, that he’ll actually die on the field.

“The things that spook us out as players is that we think Joe is going to be buried on the field,” Williams said. “Everyone is going to come to the stadium and if he does go, it’s just going to be a big funeral at the stadium.”

Hahahaha, old dead people!

While JoePa’s age is a concern, we’d just like to point out that once an American male reaches the age of 75, his life expectancy is 10 more years (pops to PDF). Joe Paterno is 83. So he’s still a few years away from where his life expectancy was at 75, and while there’s no official statistics that are this specific, we’re pretty sure the life expectancy for someone who hits 83 is probably substantially higher than 85.

Now, if D-Will wants to talk about coaches dying on the field, we have a suggestion:

(on the left.)

*”Evident,” of course, is a euphemism for “instantly fatal heart attack.”