People get into sports for any number of reasons: they’re not qualified for much else, they want to buy their mama a house, they love groupies, and, obviously, they’re unbelievably athletic. If you live in South Florida and happen to play for one of the professional sports franchises, you get more than the boilerplate stuff mentioned above.
According to the MIAMI HERALD’s Barry Jackson, the perks are seemingly limitless.
Need your car washed? No problem. The Dolphins, Heat and Marlins bring someone to their headquarters to do it. Need someone to pick up family members or friends from the airport? Don’t fret. The Marlins or Panthers will rush right over Want to book a reservation at your favorite restaurant? No worries. The Heat and Panthers will handle it.
”You’re kind of overwhelmed,” Marlins outfielder Josh Willingham said, describing his reaction when he broke into the big leagues and realized how many mundane tasks are taken care of for players.
The best thing? ”You don’t have to carry your bags,” Willingham said.
That might be the best thing for Willingham, but he has simple needs. For the more refined tastes — and by “refined tastes” I mean “shiftless layabouts” — the Marlins offer fringe benefits other local teams don’t.
The Marlins also will send out and retrieve dry-cleaning orders, select snazzy tire rims for players’ cars and fetch them food in the clubhouse. (Several players weren’t aware of anyone being so bold as to ask the team to do grocery shopping for them.)
”It’s amazing some of the stuff they do,” Marlins outfielder Cody Ross said. “If you need your oil changed, they will do it for you. Say I needed a certain kind of razor or another product. They’ll get it for you. They try to make our job as easy as possible so you can concentrate on baseball.”
I just can’t see Dolphins Vice Lord Bill Parcells okaying any of this stuff, particularly since the team won a whopping one time last season. If anything, Miami players should be forced to wash cars and drive people back and forth to the airport as community service for sullying the city’s good name.