Porcher Awaits Sentence For Waiting Room Fight

The air can get pretty tense in that waiting room. Stale magazines, germ-infested kids toys, and … oh, there’s your ex-wife. But former Detroit Lions defensive end Robert Porcher decided to turn an awkward moment into an assaulty moment last December, and yesterday he pleaded no contest to misdemeanor assault.

Robert Porcher / Waiting Room assault

His sentencing will be in April, and this is certainly a fall from grace, considering in 2005 THE DETROIT NEWS named Porcher and his then-wife Kimberly the Michiganians Of The Year.

Of course at the time the award was apt; the Porchers founded and participated in a number of charities to help world hunger and cancer research, for example. But in 2006 the charitable couple went their separate ways, so I’m not sure if they had to return the award. I’d imagine it’s common courtesy.

Let this be a lesson to all you divorcĂ©es: make sure you agree on who gets the family doctor. Furthermore, if you wait your turn — that’s what the sign-up sheet at the desk is for, people — everyone will get their turn to sit on the patient’s chair, covered in Paul Bunyan’s toilet paper.

And receptionists, you can help too! Keep the discussion of tickles in the anus to a minimum: