P.O.’d Golfer Hilariously Assaults Child On Course

We laugh when Tiger gets pissed if someone takes a picture during his backswing, but would we want that happening to us? Golf was pretty much invented to stress you out, so there’s nothing worse than when your game is interrupted.

Nathan Moore

(Does this look like the face of a man who would overreact and assault a small child? Pretty much, yeah.)

That’s what happened to Nathan Moore. He was on the 15th hole, probably 40 over par, but completely in the zone. So when a 12-year-old kid ran out onto the fairway and picked up his ball, Moore allegedly did what any rational human being would: he threw the kid in the bushes and beat him with his club.

The 37-year-old Moore was playing a round in Goodyear, Ariz., when the boy, who was “collecting golf balls” with his friends, stumbled across Moore’s lie. And let’s all be thankful that he did, because it set up the greatest physical comedy in the sports world since Pedro Martinez and Don Zimmer.

The boy, according to his mother, is “small for his age,” which make everything to come ten times funnier.

Police said Moore got into an argument with a child near the 15th hole, picked up the boy by the neck and crotch and threw him into a bush. He then hit the child in the calf with a golf club and went back to playing, police said.

He went right back to playing! That’s some badass, Bruce Willis calmly-walking-away-while-something-explodes-behind-him kind of thing!

And with that textbook neck-and-crotch grip, we’re obviously all picturing him throwing the kid 10 feet, like some kind of cross between a cartoon bouncer ejecting an unruly patron, and a dwarf toss.

Dwarf Tossing

According to the PGA rulebook Sec. 21.4a, “A player may take a drop if the ball ends up in the bushes due to being on the person of a small child that said player bodily ejected out of bounds,” so Moore’s score didn’t take a hit. He was still arrested, though.

“He should be charged with assault,” said golfer Darel Small. “Whether it’s a kid or somebody else you don’t go around beating them up because he picked up a golf ball.”

The child, whose name is being withheld due to the merciless teasing he’d no doubt receive, suffered cuts and bruises. The news report doesn’t say the hole’s yardage, or if it was Moore’s tee shot, so let’s just hope for the kid’s sake he wasn’t using an iron.

And KPHO, when you headline a story “Golfer Accused Of Losing Temper On Course,” that’s like writing “LeBron Accused Of Being Able To Get A Triple-Double” or “Sky Accused Of Being Blue.”