Please Do Not Go Full-Frontal At Football Games

¬†There’s really no good way to go about telling people you’re a registered sex offender, is there? You can’t really joke your way out of “I whipped out my hog in a place it definitely should not have been and the courts think your children should be warned about me,” after all, and you’re not likely to find any kindred spirits.

Minnesota high school streakers
(Just so you know, that’s a guy. Adjust ogling strategy accordingly.)

One would think, then, that the logical course of action is to not do anything that would lead to “registered sex offender” status, especially something as egregious as exposing yourself to a minor. That’s totally out of the question, right? Well, normally, yes, but… you see, there are these football games, and it’s fun to go streaking at football games (or so we’re told, anyway)…¬† and how was anybody to know that minors under 16 would be at a high school football game, anyway?

From MYFOX9.COM in the Twin Cities, where it really ought to be much too cold to go streaking:

Five students at St. Francis High School have been disciplined for streaking at three games since school started. This prompted school administrators to toughen penalties for streaking. The punishments could include suspension, banishment from school activities, and transferal to a different school or expulsion.

Fridley police arrested two St. Francis students after they went streaking on the football field at an away game last month.

One of the teens was charged with disorderly conduct.

The other could be charged with fifth degree criminal sexual conduct for exposing himself to a minor under the age of 16. If that teen is convicted, he will have to register as a sex offender for 10 years.

They have video too, but it’s just mainly “concerned guy with makeup on stands near high school and says what’s already on the article.”

That’s pretty rough. The teen facing the SexxLaws is doing so because he was wearing nothing more than cleats; apparently, wearing boxers and mooning the crowd is enough for “only” a disorderly conduct charge. Mooning’s risky business, though; give the people too much of a show, and your bait and tackle start hanging down, and you’re in the same boat as the guy going full frontal.

It should be noted that those who are running out but still nominally clothed aren’t facing any criminal charges. In other words…

Lady Soccer Streakers
(Guy in blue: “What? What was she doing wrong? Bunch of fascist refs we’ve got here.”)

…this is still totally fine. Just, y’know, mind the children, could we?