Plaxico Burress’s Life Now Literally A Car Crash

Just when you thought things couldn’t get any worse for Giants wide receiver Plaxico Burress, someone else files a lawsuit against the troubled star, and this one has nothing to do with shooting himself in the leg. In fact, we can now say, quite literally, that his life has become a car crash … because that’s the source of his most-recent angst.

burress car

(The offender back behind the wheel.)

According to the SOUTH FLORIDA SUN-SENTINEL, 27-year-old Alise Smith filed a lawsuit against Burress in Broward (Fla.) Circuit Court alleging that a May accident between Burress and her vehicle left her with serious neck and back injuries. She’s suing for some $15,000 to cover medical bills, damage to her car and, unsurprisingly, lost wages.

If you thought that Burress’ car insurance would just pick up the claim, well, evidently his TV wasn’t as saturated with Geico commercials as ours is. According to a report from the ASSOCIATED PRESS, Burress’ insurance on his $140,000 Mercedes-Benz lapsed less than a week before the crash, leaving the wide receiver personally liable for all the damage. The reason for the rejected coverage? He wasn’t paying his premiums to Allstate. Evidently he quite as secure in “good hands” as he thought he was.

Put it all together, and here’s what you end up with: one of the more comfortably wealthy athletes in America is now having to pay whatever outstanding fines result from a personal injury lawsuit because he was too cheap to pay his insurance premiums. If you’re surprised, well, you shouldn’t be. After all, whenever someone shoots themselves in the leg, they reach the point where nothing they do can surprise you.

Clearly, Burress doesn’t have a decent defense for this case, which may sound strikingly like the case where he shot himself in the leg. The wide receiver hit Smith from behind, while speeding, and did so without an insurance company that could have fought for a settlement out of court. In fact, by facing the suit now, after the investigation into his self-shooting has been opened, Burress is probably more likely to pay more than $15,000 amidst negative press and concurrent legal problems.

The moral of the story? Don’t speed while driving a Mercedes in South Florida. And pay your stinking insurance premiums! Oh, and don’t carry a handgun in your sweatpants. They’re not very good as holsters. But you knew that already.