Photo: Paterno Has Eye Surgery, Ditches Glasses

Mark Brennan at reports today that Joe Paterno has ditched his trademark eyeglasses.

Joe Paterno No Glasses Photo

(All that work his agent put in on the Macular Degeneration endorsement!)

The 83-year-old Paterno had corrective eye surgery recently:

“I had trouble reading for the last six months, so I went down to Philadelphia to the Penn Scheie Eye Institute. And the guy says to me … I think we can fix that up. So they went in and did it. I don’t really need glasses any more.”

The ophthalmologist was Dr. Stuart Fine, who Paterno has known for more than four decades.

Wow, unbelievable. Best we can hope for now is for the continued rollout of remarkable teeth whitening products to somehow continue to elude the coaching legend.

(In other news, I’ve just learned Paterno wasn’t a marketing major at Penn St.)

Though there is some consolation in today’s unspeakable development.

But anyone expecting the spectacle of major college football’s all-time wins leader showing up on the sideline with a completely new look next fall will be disappointed. Paterno said when he walks around without glasses, “I feel strange.”

“When I don’t wear ‘em, and I put on a sweater, I reach to take the glasses off and I don’t have them on,” he said.

So he had a set of glasses fashioned with similar frames to the ones he wore in the past, only with much thinner lenses.

Slenderized® lenses snapped into elephantine frames belong on Dustin Hoffman in an early ’80s dramedy, not a legendary football coach who pioneered development of work-safe colostomy technology for those who otherwise couldn’t clog up jobs while drastically reducing company-wide productivity.