Phil Mickelson Really, Really Likes Waffle House

We’ve always had a theory about why so many pro athletes slap their names on restaurants. Some people might think it’s because athletes have a genetic predisposition towards bad investments, or that they’re narcissistic enough to find the idea of their name on the front of an overpriced steakhouse too alluring to pass up. We disagree. Let us explain.

Phil Mickelson

(If you eat at Phil’s, you really CAN look just like him!)

Athletes spend most of the year on the road, right? They eat in fancy steakhouses and drink at overpriced bars. That’s what they know best (apart from their sports and, um, groupies), so it makes sense to invest in the places that seem familar to them.┬áIt’s a perfect theory as far as we’re concerned, and it got a lot more plausible today when an investment group led by nutrition guru Phil “FIGJAM” Mickelson entered a bid to purchase a whopping 105 Waffle House locations.

We had to double-check on this story to make sure it wasn’t written by DJ Gallo or THE ONION, but it’s true, according to THE TENNESSEAN:

Golfer Phil Mickelson, a two-time Masters winner and top-five finisher at Augusta National this year, is among a trio of businessmen who have made a late bid to buy a Nashville-based Waffle House franchisee out of bankruptcy.

Mickelson’s group, GS Acquisitions LLC, has offered $20.2 million in cash and payments over time for the 105-restaurant group that spans four states, according to U.S. Bankruptcy Court documents filed late Tuesday.

Tiger Woods gets his own Nike brand, Phil Mickelson gets a chain of Waffle Houses. The universe has a very strict order of things, and this just fits right into it. But let’s not get our hopes up too much just yet. Mickelson’s group will most likely lead the bidding process right up until the final stage and then screw it up in spectactular fashion. Hey, the guy’s got a type.