Typing that headline above was difficult, because I don’t think even the first half has ever been said by anybody ever. Peyton Manning is not average. He is not human. He’s still the guy who had the record for most passing TDs for a few years before last season’s ridiculousness that was Tom Brady and the Patriots*. And yet there he was at Lambeau today, throwing for 229 yards and two touchdowns. The teensy eensy problem with that line is that those touchdowns were for Green Bay, who slapped the Colts around and led by as many as 27 points up until garbage time. 34-14 is your final.

Yes, the Green Bay offense only outscored Indianapolis‘ offense by a count of 20-14, but the rest of the stats confirm the domination. Green Bay racked up 23 first downs, punted all of twice today (both boomed for touchbacks), and kept the ball for over 33 minutes, tiring a Colts defense that obviously misses reigning Defensive POY Bob Sanders.

Elsewhere, a late rally by Cleveland fell short–or more accurately, sailed wide right–as the division-leading Redskins held on for a 14-11 win. Clinton Portis ran all over the Browns, amassing 175 yards and a TD, but a late fumble was the catalyst for the Browns’ comeback, and his inability to gain one single damn first down after the Browns’ touchdown was the only reason Phil Dawson was even trying a potential game-tying kick to begin with.

Brett Favre and the Jets lost to the Raiders, which A) is hilarious, and B) should be impossible because Brett Favre is a gunslinger who loves to win and he’s just having fun out there; you think he’s not having fun out there?! Favre didn’t throw a touchdown today, but he did lead the Jets on a game-tying FG drive in the last minute and a half of regulation. Jay Feely actually missed that kick once, but a timeout from Tom Cable on the sideline before the kick negated it (LOL), and Feely’s “official” try was true. No matter, though, as Sebastian Janikowski nailed a 57-yard kick in overtime, then date-raped a Nissan Sentra in the parking lot.

Houston beat Detroit 28-21, and it was neither that close or really particularly interesting. The witless, winless Lions are going back to leaning on Mike Furrey at receiver (though Calvin Johnson’s 96-yard TD reception was all sorts of awesome), and the last few years have been ample evidence of what happens when your passing game depends on Mike Furrey. Somebody please give them a mercy win before Dan Orlovsky throws himself off a building, whereupon he’ll be intercepted and returned for a touchdown.

*By the way, I’m still in awe that Randy Moss shows up, Brady’s numbers spike, and the media decide that anybody but Moss is the MVP. Please.