PETA Protests Ginobili Bat-Kill, Because Whatever

Just yesterday, we brought you video of Manu Ginobili killing a bat that had interrupted play in a Spurs game from this weekend. The very first commenter on the page wondered aloud, “Where’s PETA now?”, knowing full well their outraged reply would be hitting the Internets at any moment.

Video of Manu Ginobili Catching Killing Bat

Lo and behold, here we are. Surprisingly, though, PETA had a reasoned, nuanced reaction that caused everybody to gain respect for their maturity in the field of animal ethics. In an op-ed posted at OPPOSINGVIEWS.COM, PETA released a statement acknowledging that the bat was causing a nuisance in an area where it never should have been in the first place, and that Ginobili’s actions, while unfortunately fatal, were a brief and expedient end to the situation.

Hahahaha, just kidding, they compared Manu to Michael Vick and basically pretended he was Satan.

From PETA’s statement:

Here’s our take on it: To bludgeon a 4-ounce animal to death, it takes either a small man or a totally unthinking one—with no respect or consideration for lives humbler than his own. This is a time when athletes in particular need to be on their best behavior around any animal and show that they have brains and a heart, not just reactionary brawn.

Bats always try to avoid contact with humans, and there are plenty of easy ways to keep bats out of a basketball arena (or your home). We hope that the next time someone’s life is on the line, Manu Ginobili will take just a few seconds to think before he acts.

The unsubtle Vick comparison came via an link to the site’s archives on Vick, linked where “no respect or consideration for lives humbler than his own” appears in the text. Because systematically killing pit bulls as part of a dogfighting ring that you’re bankrolling is the exact same thing as swatting an errant bat that’s interrupting your job for the second time in a day.

Other than that, our “favorite” part of the statement was the assertion that “bats always try to avoid contact with humans,” all while the bat was, in fact, not doing that at all in the video. If the bat were “trying to avoid contact, ” as PETA asserts, it would have probably utilized the roughly hundred feet of air space at the AT&T Center. That’s not to say the bat was attacking the players, but come on, let’s all be truthful here.

What PETA won’t admit - to the detriment of its own credibility - is that it’s possible to not feel any remorse for the bat while not hating animals at the same time. I grew up with pets all my life and have two that I’d never, ever abuse, and at the same time I do not care one bit that the bat died.

In fact, I’m now more tempted than ever to start a similar organization called P&ETA, which stands for Practical and Ethical Treatment of Animals. Our first order of business is to issue a press release indicating that we do not care that Manu Ginobili killed a bat in the middle of a basketball game. Our second order of business to to tell people who run puppy mills that they can choke themselves to death one handful of broken glass at a time. We expect to have 70,000 times as many members as PETA by the end of the week.