Perfection Pursued: Lions Complete 0-16 Season

You know, it really makes perfect sense that in a year where an NFL club would go an entire regular season without a loss (hint: coach’s name rhymes with Will Welichick), the following season would produce a team of perfection at the other end of the spectrum. So we extend a hearty thank you to the 2008 Detroit Lions for their contribution to karmic balance.

Packers Lions

(This pretty much sums up the 2008 Detroit Lions)

Yes, thanks to these felines full of fail, we didn’t have to hear Chris Berman pop the champagne at all for the ‘76 Tampa Bay Buccaneers, the previous pro football franchise who couldn’t get a single “W”. But extra thanks to the Green Bay Packers, who made such misery in the Motor City possible with a 31-21 triumph on the frozen tundra of Lambeau Field.

So, where do these loathsome Lions go from here?

The next logical step in suckitude is to break the Bucs’ old record losing streak. In addition to dropping all 14 games in their debut season, Tampa Bay also proceeded to lose their first 12 contest the following year, before somehow beating the Saints in New Orleans.

So, dating back to last season, the Lions have lost 17 in a row. That makes only 10 more straight losses to go to achieve the level of really, really, really sucking.

Well, we’ll be keeping our eyes on the 2009 NFL schedule when it comes out. Hopefully there won’t be any visits to the Superdome to give Detroit any hope.

This may sound callous, but I don’t feel sorry for the Lions’ lousy year. This is a professional franchise that reportedly employs professional employees to put together a roster of high-skilled & highly-paid athletes & coaches to come out victorious. As soon-to-be-removed Chiefs coach Herman Edwards once bellowed, “Hello! You play to win the game!

With this kind of performance in a league dominated by parity (i.e. the Browns beating the Giants?!), everyone in the organization should return their paychecks and give the fans who sat at Ford Field through this futile season full refunds. (I suppose this is a good start.)

So it’s nice to see all of Matt Millen’s hard work finally come to fruition. It’s a bit sad he wasn’t around to see it.