Patriots ‘Spy’ Tapes Finally Turned Over by Walsh

In sports news that reminds us fondly of the 1980s, the naughty tapes have finally arrived that we ordered months ago and we’ve already started leaking with excitement.

Matt Walsh, itinerant golf pro and former employee-of-some-sort for the New England Patriots, delivered eight tapes to the NFL that reveal… well, try to hold yourself back… play-calling recorded by the team and deftly edited with the game action. You know, just like happened before. Somehow, detailed descriptions of these tapes ended up in the NEW YORK TIMES’ lap.

JFK - Kevin Costner and Donald Sutherland

(”But how did the blogger get up on the grassy knoll? It’s outside. Bloggers don’t go outside!”)

Then, somehow yet again, Walsh’s lawyer found time to answer the TIMES’ questions about the matter and explained that there was no St. Louis Rams walkthrough tape from the 2002 Super Bowl and that Walsh never told the BOSTON HERALD about that. (Just when we thought that Rams fan lawsuit had legs.)

Then, in yet another shocking yet well-timed turn of events, NFL spokesperson Greg Aiello told the AP that “… this is consistent with what the Patriots had admitted they had been doing, consistent with what we already knew.”

Nothing to see here, kids! It’s all solved! The adults already talked about this and it’s taken care of. Go on back to your video games and your rock and roll.

Except… did we know about the existence of so many instances of rules misunderstandings? Do we have any reason to believe it stopped in 2002 when Walsh left the Patriots?

And why should we believe this is the only misunderstanding to occur under Bill Belichick’s watch? (”Oh, sorry… I didn’t know she was married. I thought she was merely legally bound to another man. Can I have my tapes back?”)

We honestly don’t have the answers to these and many other questions, but we sure as hell don’t need the NFL to pat us on our cute li’l heads and give us another sucker when we ask.

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