Patrick Kane Arrested For Buffalo Cabbie Assault

Chicago Blackhawks star forward Patrick Kane has had quite a year. The precocious youngster scored his first hat trick, his rejuvenated team made it to the Western Conference Finals, and he scored the cover of EA Sports’ NHL 2010. All the pieces of athletic superstardom were coming into place for Kane, and he was poised to take the sports world by storm.

Patrick Kane

(This is the face of evil.)

There was only one problem - everyone knows that real superstars gotta have street cred and a rap sheet, and poor Buffalo-bred Patrick Kane had neither. What’s a young hockey player to do? A bar brawl was out of the question (Kane’s only 20), and killing people is only OK if you play in the NFL. Last night, though, Kane took the first step towards that much-coveted rap sheet by beating up a Buffalo cabbie and breaking his glasses over…wait for it…twenty whole cents. Baby steps, Patrick.

According to the CHICAGO TRIBUNE, Kane - who made $875,000 this season - is quite the spendthrift:

Kane, 20, and a relative, James M. Kane, 21, believed to be his cousin, are alleged to have punched the cab driver and taken back money they had given him after the driver told them he didn’t have 20 cents in coins to give them change, according to the report.

The police told the newspaper the fare was $13.80 and the two Kanes had paid the driver $15. The newspaper is reporting the cab driver told police he was punched in the face, grabbed by his throat and had his glasses broken in the altercation.

Awesome. That’ll show those nerdy cabbies who’s boss, and get little Patrick Kane well on his way to athletic immortality with the true greats of our time. For those odd ducks who frown on such things as “assault” and “robbery,” take note - this is why you don’t make your kids play with dolls. You never know when those old insecurities will surface.